


Love Me, Love Me Not

by Connverse_Galore



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst in the second, Diamond eyes, F/M, Flowers, Implied Corruption, Sorry?, ambiguous ending, fluff in the first chapter, gift-giving, just a big ol dump of headcanons dont mind me, prepare accordingly, so how about that unresolved trauma huh steven, things take a complete 180 in the last chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 15:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21660547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Connverse_Galore/pseuds/Connverse_Galore
Summary: "Weeks have passed since the beginning of his little pet project. Gaia, a secluded planet on the edges of a galaxy, bore a rather earth-like terrain. In a small peninsula surrounded by too-blue water lay his garden, a patch of dense flora both native and foreign to its planet."---After his newly-adopted hobby, Steven tries using the art of flower language.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 7
Kudos: 98





	1. Love me,

**Author's Note:**

> I have some really angsty drafts sitting around so I needed to get all the fluff out of my system. Have fun.

Little Homeworld had shaped up to be one of the Crystal Gems' most successful program yet. As it grew with both grandiose and self-sustainability, Steven found his time supervising its activities dwindling by the hours. His attention turned to face his duties as a diamond on Homeworld, which he found himself resenting a little more with each visit. 

The bulk of his effort into freeing colonies and breaking down the authority's regime was already done past his late adolescence. Instead, he found himself counting the dry, empty hours between the sparse reports from his court or the occasional summon by one of the Diamonds. They loved having him around, be it for him or the gem lodged in his belly, he would rather not think about. It wouldn't be any different than if he stayed on Earth and was called through his communicators.

With the idling came loneliness, and the loneliness was starting to eat at him. Instead, after much coaxing from the rest of his team (Amethyst, particularly), he decided to use the sudden gape of free time to tend to a hobby.

\---

Weeks have passed since the beginning of his little pet project. Gaia, a secluded planet on the edges of a galaxy, bore a rather earth-like terrain. In a small peninsula surrounded by too-blue water lay a patch of dense flora, both native and foreign to its planet. He wondered why he never thought of it sooner, trimming the edges of a fruit-dappled bush.

He lost himself all too easily here, his healing powers allowing him to grow his plants evermore rapidly. The smell of Earth that soaked his caked gloves and overalls reminded him of home. He would launch himself into the air, a little higher than normal thanks to Gaia's easy gravity, and look proudly down at his garth. It was a dance of iriscident colors above a dense tangle of evergreen, seeming to bask under the warm light of its star.

Tending to his own garden, it was cathartic. No one expected anything of him in this little blip of Gaia, by the outskirts that bordered star clusters and dead space. 

On his fourth week, he had plucked out a flower the size of his palm, one of the first to witness his growing bounty. It was a delicate shade of silver, with a crest of tropical pink anthers crowning its middle. He reached the warp pad, carrying his first evidence of his niche home.

\---

Gardening, as Steven came to realize, was a quick way to get Connie flustered. He would tuck one of his specimens behind her ear while she was distracted, which she would adamantly try to keep on her person for the rest of the day despite the initial fussing. It was like he was trying to memorize the shy blush that graced her features and the way her eyes lit up, voice pinched bashfully as she carefully handled each one. He had tried training Lion to hold a bouquet in his mouth whenever he went to pick her up, but most of them ended them chewed up or drowned in his mane. 

"You should probably calm down with the flower thing, Steve-o." Lying on her back, Amethyst looked up from the couch to where Steven was slowly trying to braid a necklace of blossoms. That was another thing he found himself doing, whether they were one of his welcome gifts to a newly uncorrupted gem or as small memoirs for his close friends. These ones had come to bloom in his garden yesterday, resembling poppies and with a texture that reminded him of cotton.

"Are the smells too much?" He asked innocently. The tendrils easily wove into each other almost on their own, even when he wasn't paying attention. It almost felt like second nature. "I know I've been keeping a lot at home now, but I like the atmosphere it brings."

"Nah, dude, that." She pointed to his current work. "I'm pretty sure that's like, the twelfth one you've made for Connie."

"Eighth, actually." He remarked, not thinking much about it. "Not including the bracelets and that flower crown, which would make it nineteen, and- oh." Her quirked eyebrow helped steepen his realization, and a flattering shade rose from his cheeks while the gem let out a chuckle.

"I- She's my best friend!"

"Suree."

"And I like seeing her happy."

"Uh huh."

"So," He raised his arms to emphasise his point. " I make them for her because she likes them and I like making them. It doesn't have to mean anything."

"Yuh-huh." Amethyst slumped from the couch onto the floor before dragging herself up. "Whatever you say. Do you think you might actually be allergic to flowers? 'Cuz someone's a little _lovesick._"

"Cut it out!" He weakly protested one last time, watching her make her way towards the entrance cackling. Even with a teasing grin on her face, she gave a shrug and a bump on his back.

"But seriously. I'm sure she _ loves _ the gesture, but you should really take it down a notch. Watching her turn into a stuttering mess was only fun the first few times." 

Before he could respond, Amethyst interrupted herself. "I'm gonna catch some sunlight. Obsids' probably got her hands on something good while I was away." Her tone was a little too casual, and she sauntered off. It left him to his lonesome, aside from his growing whirlpool of racing thoughts that she coyly spun.

Steven never really thought too much about it, which isn't to say he didn't think about his gifts at all. He would spend hours finding the exact shade of colors that would work together, which ones would look nice tucked by the extra pencil stand on her study desk or in that particularly empty nook in her room. He would make them as often for everyone else, he told himself. He just didn't know if they would want so many, or if they were allergic, and not all of them looked so flustered at the sight of them and maybe surprise him with a peck on the cheek afterwards and-

He groaned, staring at the half-completed, totally platonic craft for what felt like hours. He finally kept it safely on the counter and decided to come back to it after lunch, even if the newfound knots in his stomach protested.

\---

She never really thought about flowers until now. And as for now, they were her favorite thing after sword-training and bad anime dubs.

Connie pushed back her swivel chair as she wrote down the last word of her paragraph, switching on her desk lamp as the sun settled behind the roofs of her town. She looked around her room, the hue of the evening melting into amber past her window and sinking into the carpets. It brought her attention to the decor, most notably the souvenirs that came from beyond the stars. You'd have to try to miss the vegetation that lined every corner of the room, waterfalls of pale tendrils spilling into various nooks. There was a strange fragrance that huddled in those spaces, reminding her of the same scent that lingered on Steven when he came back from Gaia. Somehow, it made it feel homelier.

They never withered or seemed to require water, something that might've come from his healing powers. She remembered the amusement that came when she watched her mother try and figure out the biology behind it, but you couldn't crack down on gem sciences with human technology. And Steven's powers were half the equation.

Though the flowers came to be a staple part of being with him, and at some point was engulfed in his identity entirely, the most poignant ones happened to be the ones that came from Earth. He had started to grow clusters of Earth-flowers to keep as little messages, peppering them into small deeds or even for a diplomatic guide. Between the two of them, however, it went a little deeper. At least Connie could speak back with the neighbouring florist shops.

A camellia for good luck. Azaleas when the other's had a long day. Nastuitiums as a reminder. Sunflowers and Heather didn't have an inner meaning; they were just each other's favourites.

There was something much more touching that the spoken word couldn't reach, which could be slipped between each other's palms or tucked inside curls of hair and the pockets of their garments. Some things were easier said through gestures, after all.

She found herself gazing at the royal indigo lids of a hyacinth, remembering that long, bitter night. Remembering him coming back looking tired, haphazard and on the verge of collapsing. As he rested in her shaking arms and their pain soaked into each other's shirts, relieved to be able to return to each other again. The curled petals seemed to echo those two words he repeated over and over to her.

_ I'm sorry. _

She sighed and leaned back, keeping the flower back in the sunless spot at the edge of her shelf. Every plant had a story behind it, like bookmarks for the chapters in their life, and she wanted to safekeep both the happy and gritty ones.

The sky had melted to crimson when she sat at her desk again, the sound of her pen scratching the paper filling the silence. One day, they'll make a novel of this place.


	2. love me not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be fluff as well, but something happened along the way. Ah well, makes for a more apt chapter title.
> 
> If you care for that kind of thing, this chapter is littered with analogies which were too good not to use. pretty blatant symbolism up ahead.

As the light of the warp pad faded, Connie looked down at her reflection on the glassy surface. Most of it was obscured by the thick spirals of green, encapsulating over half the facet. She hesitantly drew a breath, relieved to find the air sustainable, and took a stride forward.

They had been searching for him for hours now. After the outbreak on Homeworld, no one had been able to find him, and those that were there when it happened had warned them not to. Garnet had taken initiative first, sending out the first batch of patrols to look for Steven. Connie was surprised to find that she was assigned to go unaccompanied. 

The warp whistle glinted under the bare light of dusk, and was surprisingly cold to the touch. The fusion had bent down to keep a hand on her shoulder. Connie could sense the tension in her hold, the worried crease on her forehead beneath the visor. 

"If you find him in Gaia, be careful," were her last words to her.

Another step forward.

"Steven!" She called out, gripping onto the strap of her sheathe. The garden had grown exponentially since she was last here. Pushing herself gently through the first wad of brambles so as to not disturb them, she managed to get a better view of the place.

She was introduced to an orchid of pastel-coloured vegetation, sleek tendrils dancing across the bare ground and teasing their way up sturdier plants. The light of Gaia's star was scattered under a canopy whose colours melted from indigo to honey. Her eyes soon found flowers that were so big that they suited the backdrop, where empty plains stretched to reach the horizon by sloping heavily into hills. 

For a moment the beauty of it all mesmerized her, a feeling of pride and wanderlust starting to swell. It would be so easy to forget why she was here. Connie called out his name again, her footsteps muted by the lush soil. It felt odd that there weren't any animals here, or any sign of life past the handcrafted botany. Even the plains beyond were completely untouched. The wind tickled with the strands of hair near her cheek, like a warm greeting for new company.

She felt the ground dip into the shallow trench of a river. The roots of the nearby shrubbery had somehow managed to span its entire width to reach the other bank, knitting around each other to form an arch. Moss and some bright plants that reminded her of mushrooms carpeted the girth. It looked sturdy enough to walk across. Did he make this himself?

Her gait slowed and hesitated. She'd been pacing this place for what felt like forever, and who knew how much longer it could go. She considered turning back and looking for him on Earth again when she saw a crater at the other end. Trails of smoke flew above the cracks that tailed the dent. Wherever it came from, it was new.

Before she felt her legs move she was sprinting to the other end of the bridge. The warmth in the air dropped, goosebumps crawling past her sleeves. Her sneakers pushed into the mud as she reached the other side, much looser than the ground beforehand.

There was something different about this side of the garden, a lifeless stillness like the foliage was holding its breath. The light flitting past the leaves seemed to dull, and the gusts of air changed their tune from a hum to a sharp whistle. Dotted specks moved aimlessly through the air, and at first glance she thought they were dust particles caught in the solar light. Now, under the dimmer setting, they seemed to glow an ever-so-faint blue. They were small, almost unnoticable, but she couldn't find herself looking away from them.

There were more craters further in, the flowers surrounding them wilting. It could've just been the wind, but it felt like the plants swayed to match her movements, heads turning in tandem. She couldn't shake the feeling of a hundred eyes planted into the back of her neck. Connie's breaths turned sharp and frigid, lined with that all-too-sweet faint fragrance of flora hanging in the air.

She hated that the smell reminded her so much of home.

A bright pink cloth stood out against the dull scenery, only muted by the dust brushed over it, and Connie picked it up gently. His jacket had circular, jagged tears along its back, and one of the sleeves seemed to be missing. She worriedly checked for any sign of blood, but the only stains were of mud and scattered twigs. He must be nearby- Scanning her surroundings again, she wrapped what was left of the jacket around herself.

"I'll be there soon." She whispered, to no one in particular.

The natural pathway that separated the garden on either sides had abruptly narrowed. Briars creeped into the mud to follow a new trail, where the scenery seemed to have clustered to a single spot in the distance. The blue specks in the air seemed to have followed along as well. Vines snaked their way to form a spine like an arch of pale tendrils. They continued to turn and twist around the arch like a force was pulling at them. The spectacle was all centered around a single figure at its core.

Connie braced herself and pushed on, trying to reach him as soon as possible.

Steven had sensed her a long time ago. She could barely make out his form in the cloak of flowers- spools of shamrock curled around him, the thinner stems barbed where the thorns dug into his limbs. His eyes were covered by a shroud of flowers, a pensive white and pink pattern with bowed petals. The only sign of skin was his mouth and chest, where the stark black t-shirt was torn at the seams.

"Steven…" She felt her chest drop. He wasn't so much as struggling. "Can you-"

"Go away." His voice was soft, resigned. The plants wavered under his words. "I can't hurt you too."

She took a step towards him. "You're not going to hurt me. You're not going to hurt anyone."

"You don't know that." She didn't know if she was worried more by the anger or the fear in his tone. "I can't control my powers like I used to. Until I do, I'm not going back, even if it takes-"

"A day? Weeks? A month? How long can it go on?" She implored. "We've been here before. I know you feel bad about it, but you don't have to run away." She took another step forward. "We'll always be here for you.  _ I'm  _ here-"

She interrupted herself in a hiss of pain. A pair of tendrils had caught her up to the ankles, the thorns digging into the leather of her shoe and slowly into flesh, rooting her to where she was.

"Don't come closer." It sounded more like a plea than a command. There was a flash as his skin glowed pink, and he ducked his head and grit his teeth. The briar pulled around him grew taut, before relaxing as he flickered back to normal.

"It'll go on as long as it should." He took in a shuddering breath. "I can't go back like this. I don't think I can go back at all. What happened on Homeworld was my fault, and for what?" A hoarse laugh pierced his throat. "Because my emotions got the best of me? I should  _ know _ better." He repeated the same phrase again under his breath, as if he didn't notice the way the ground shook with his bitter words. "You don't need me anymore. You can go back without me."

"Steven, what are you talking about?" She shook her head, even though he couldn't see her. "How long has this been going on?" How long have you been hurting yourself like this?"

"What else can I do?" He turned his face to the sound of her voice. "If I can't restrain my powers, the best I can do is fight it off. It'll be better that way." His mouth was parted as if he had more to say, but then decided better of it.

"And you can't fight that by doing-" She gestured to the crest of flora he had wrapped around himself. "By doing all of this! We've been worried about you for so long, but you just kept running away when we tried to talk to you. You kept building walls and distancing yourself and pushing back, we didn't know what to do. Garnet didn't even know what to do. I…" She stubbornly swallowed back the lump in her throat. "I didn't know how bad this was. I should've been there for you. I'm sorry I haven't. We're meant to be a team, for crying out loud! Just  _ please _ \- please stop doing this to yourself. Please don't run away this time. " 

He stayed silent, but she could see him tremble underneath the brambles. A glint appeared from the cowl of flowers that covered his vision, and she realized they were tears. He slowly keeled over until his knees touched the grass.

"No more secrets. Just let me go, Steven. We can talk about this."

His trembling grew more frantic, and he started to repeat a panicked "No, no, no-" under his breath. Her questions died in her throat as his body glowed a bright pink again, except this time he let out a pained yelp that tore her heart in half. A gust of wind flew past and caught one of the flowers, leaving one of his eyes exposed. It was dark, the sclera, unnervingly so, and even when he turned away she didn't miss the magenta iris in the middle.

"You weren't supposed to see me like this." 

The wreath of plants shifted doubtfully, before folding away from him like wilted petals. Without his cover, she could see everything clearly. The tears across his shirt, the discoloration that travelled up his arms, blotchy and purple and still growing. Clawed hands raised to cover his mouth, where a crown of horns had settled across his forehead. Slowly, so slowly that it barely seemed to happen, the grip of the vegetation around her calves slacked. Connie tore herself from the vines that had rooted her with a shaky breath, and ran towards him. The grip had slacked significantly, but her skin stung where the thorns had dug into. The world was nothing but her, those flecks of blue and the boy who felt a thousand miles away.

A wall of pink blocked Connie's path, where it covered him in a rose-coloured dome. He was still pink, gaze tilted to the ground as the purple grew further past his elbows. She yelled his name and clenched her hands into fists, hitting barricade repeatedly. She didn't realize she was sobbing until she took in a sharp breath and something wet slid along her cheek. He didn't seem to register her, or anything past the rose-stained sheet. He covered his face, and she could see his chest rise and fall sharply like his breathing grew tense.

She blinked, and suddenly the world was blue. Blue from the specks that had roamed the forest and danced at the edges of her vision, blue from the sudden glow as they suddenly tripled in size, blue as she recognised the butterfly silhouettes, flapping around the both of them and closing in like an icy wall. A colossal breach towered over the boy in front of her, like a beacon of white threatening to consume them both. She blinked again, and they were gone. Gone, but the claustrophobic feeling stuck. 

When she looked back, she caught his gaze. Furrowed brows shadowing the diamond shapes where his pupils used to be, but still holding the same fear and heartbreak she heard in his voice. She wondered if the emotion was new or if the pink made those more prominent. Another shudder wracked his body, and he curled around himself, lost to the sea of thoughts that drowned out all his other senses. She dropped down to sit down next to him, pressing a palm against the screen, and a slow, shaky paw reached out to the same spot.

"I'm here." She mouthed, and hoped he could understand.

She hadn't moved since. There was a time between a few minutes later and eternity when she something brush against her knee, and looked down to see something sprout from the grass, casting itself into bloom within a few seconds. Her fingers wavered under the sight of the dark lilac, recognising the curled lids while they spread around her, blanketing the grass.

Hyacinths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened on homeworld??? who knows I just needed a catalyst to use here lol  
left this on a semi-cliffhangef bc tbh this was making me depressed already writing this. might brush this up a bit later. thanks for reading!
> 
> anywho, im glad the crewniverse left us on such a cheerful note this episode. something something, get the poor boy some theraphy already. happy hiatus everybody

**Author's Note:**

> Do I have anything to explain for my 3-month long absence?  
No.
> 
> Anyways, here's a connverse! I still have a few other shots that didn't work here but are still big enough for a part 2, so there's that. The title drop needs to make it here after all.


End file.
